Boy this year went fast, but my favorite day is coming up, so I’m really glad it did! At Valentines day, I always try to do something extra special. And my man is expecting it, so the pressure is on, to create a memorable evening, that totally puts my last Valentines day to shame… even though last years, was pretty damn good! This year I have some extra money saved up, so I’m going or maybe I should say, putting out all the way! We went to visit some relatives of his in Germany, during the “October Beer Festival” and we had the greatest time ever. So that’s where I’m getting all my Valentines ideas from, to bring back some wonderful memories!

It’s my turn to be his German Beer Babe!

I have to admit that I thought most German beer ladies where fat and ugly, mainly because they always seem to portray them that way in the movies or what not! But boy, was I sadly misinformed, cause there was plenty of gorgeous looking beer babes, serving German beer allover the place! Well, there where some fat and ugly ones there too, but ofcourse those didn’t catch my mans eye. No, only the pretty and skinny ones did! I was a bit jealous in the beginning of our trip, but soon got kind of used to his wandering eyes. Because there where some very attractive beer boys, serving beer and bratwurst too! So believe me, I equally got my fill of both nice looking men and beer!

So, since he liked the German beer babes so much, why not become one myself! You know how the saying goes… If you can’t beat them, join them! But don’t bother to go to any costume shop, like I did! First they didn’t have anything close to what I was looking for and secondly, everything was really over prized. No, go directly to an online costume shop! I found the biggest selection I’d ever seen, in a sex toys shop! I mean, they had everything you could ever imagine. From all kinds of role playing outfits to tons of traditional sexy outfits, from most every country around the world! And they where all really, really cute and sexy… just the way I wanted it!

I made a complete transformation!

The one I got came with a cropped top and a velvet corset with a zipper back plus a skirt and choker… really, really sexy and cute I might add! But I didn’t stop there, cause I wanted to make a complete transformation, where he almost wouldn’t recognize me at all! So together with the German beer outfit, I got one of those black, long haired wigs… (he likes long hair) and then some really sexy, black stripper shoes! Wow, when I got dressed up in the whole new outfit, I couldn’t hardly recognize myself! So, this is how my Valentines day is going down! For dinner I’ll be serving bratwurst and sour grout with mashed potatoes and for dessert, I’ll have Black Forest German chocolate cake. Together with tons of German beer ofcourse, served in the beer mugs we bought over there! And you guess right! It will all be served by me… the sexy, cute looking German beer babe, he had all eyes for!!!

My hubby has one of the biggest sweet tooth’s ever and I’m not doing him any favors by baking all kinds of yummy pies either! When we first met, he wasn’t overweight at all, but after being together for five years, he’s turned into a fat piece of lard and that’s saying it quite nicely I might add! But unfortunately, as much as he loves sweets, he also hates to exercise! So what’s a worried wife to do! Yeah, that’s exactly right… combined his sweet tooth with some exercise! But how the hell, am I to find a nice combination like that! And that’s when I discovered some tasty, low calorie whipping cream on the adult internet!

Low calorie whipping cream and lots of slimming sex!

The whipping cream that I got, came in one of his favorite flavors which is cherry! He absolutely loves my homemade cherry pies, so I knew I was already ahead on that one! It also comes with some cherry flavored sprinkles, which looked mighty tasty too! So what I did, instead of baking a a yummy cherry pie, I bought some cherry scented candles, which I lit an hour before he got home from work… to make sure the house was filled, with cherry aroma throughout! And ofcourse when he arrived, he naturally thought I had a cherry pie baking in the oven! So after finishing our dinner, he was expecting me to give him a healthy serving of cherry pie desert!

Not so at all my dough boy honey!

No, instead I told him to close his eyes and sit there and wait a few minutes while I went into the bathroom, completely undressed and covered myself in whipping cream from head till toe! I was nervous that the whipping cream was going to fall all over the carpet, but it actually stayed on all the way back to the kitchen! And I got there just in time, cause he started to yell… what in the hell, am I doing! That’s when I told him to open his eyes and boy, did his eyes and mouth open wide, when he got a look at me! Voila I said, here’s you’re cherry pie desert… my little dough boy honey! I handed him the cherry sprinkles and said, you can top me off with that in the bedroom! Actually, after all the yummy feasting and ravishing on each others bodies… he informed me, that this is the best tasting desert, I’ve ever made him! Now, he’s down to just one pie a week and his already lost over five pounds! Mission accomplished!!!

If you’ve been thinking about getting a subscription from your doctor for Viagra or other types of sexual male enhancing products… but is way to embarrassed to bring it up! Don’t you worry about it any longer, cause now, you can order from the privacy of your home… no embarrassing questions asked! And all the male enhancement stuff online, is just as fantastic… just without a prescription and a nosy doctor, asking stupid questions about your private sex life and so on!

Just check out the huge selection you can choose from!

You’ll be totally amazed, when you go to a sex toys store over the internet and see all the different male sexual enhancers they have to offer! And usually when you scroll down on the first enhancers page a bit, they have a long description, on the various products designed to enhance sex for males! From products which can be great for your stamina, stay erected longer and prolonging climaxes… to all types of creams and lotions that will make your penis larger and the orgasms more intense and longer too! !

And then ofcourse, its all kinds of different brands of pills to choose from! The most popular brand is “Phuck” which are made from totally natural ingredients, such as the highly treasured Peruvian root, called Maca plus other ancient blends of natural herbs! And they take affect really quickly too… only like in 30 minutes or so! Plus one pill lasts for up to 72 hours! But best of all, they come at a really low price… just under six bucks each! And when you see how great they work, you can invest in a whole bottle, containing 24 capsules for a low price of only $66.00! Oh, and they a perfectly safe to have a few mood setting, relaxing cocktails with too!

Everyone first fell in love with sexier than hell Pamela Anderson, when she was the main attraction in the hit series Baywatch! That show aired many years ago though and Pamela has aged quit a bit since then! Not that she still doesn’t look great, but she’s definitely not a fresh, spring chicken anymore! But don’t fret my pet, cause with this Pamela look alike love doll, you can have teen Pamela Anderson back, in your bedroom as soon as you like!

Let Pamela satisfy you both orally, vaginally and anally!

So if you’re a huge Pamela Anderson Baywatch fan, this love doll will for sure bring back those sexual fantasies you used to have about that famous, big tits lifeguard beauty! This gorgeous Pamela love doll has all the curves in the right places, and her face and body is just as beautiful and voluptuous as the real Pamela Anderson! She comes from the Celebrity Sex Dolls superstar series, which is a company that makes look alike sex dolls, of our most sought after movie and television stars!

So hurry up and come meet this busty blond, bombshell, who’s always on duty and has the biggest sex drive that will rescue all of your naughty sex fantasies and porn desires every time you choose! Royally indulge in every luscious, tight feeling love hole of hers… from her pouthy mouth, her very fuckable vagina and tight brown eye! And she certainly comes cheap too, only $25.58 (plus shipping and handling), out the door! Now, that’s an unbeatable offer, when it comes to having tons of sex fun with the freaken hottest, sexiest lifeguard ever!

I can’t believe what’s going on in Washington these days! It seems like all the house and senate wants do, is blame President Obama for everything that’s going wrong… without as much, as lifting a finger to help him! I mean, you have to admit that the guy is giving it a hell of try, to be a great president and do the right thing… but which ever way he turns, he’s met by oppositions from both the people and the government!

And by escaping to India, North Korea and Asia after that disastrous mid-election on his latest outing, didn’t help much, cause it seems that these countries, aren’t to willing to work with him either! Can’t really blame them, with all the uncertainty and indecisiveness going on with the US right now!

I say, change strategy all together President Obama!

What I’m about to say now, is in all good fun… but I think all these politicians in Washington, need to relax a bit more… especially before voting, for an unpopular Obama bill! So here it goes! Remember John F Kennedy, and how he had lots of sex during his presidency! I can’t say that I approved of him having all that sex with other lovers, than his gorgeous first lady… but I don’t think any man could turn down Marilyn Monroe, when she put out!

And what about Bill Clinton and his little secret rendezvous in the oval office, with that intern Monica Lewinsky! Ofcourse it didn’t sit well with Hillary. But these little sex escapades, just seemed to make for a happier, more relaxed, less frustrated president at times! So here’s my point… satisfying, gratifying sex works! Just imagine, before either the house or the senate is about to vote, (it would obviously not be appropriate to hand out hookers or have their girlfriends show up)… but how about handing the gentlemen a handheld pocket pussy and for the ladies… a discreet finger vibrator!

Suddenly a whole lot of buzzing on Capitol Hill!

So sit back and relax, all you folks in Washington and take some time out for a nice handheld ride into orgasm country… I’ll guarantee you, it will take all that aggression, frustration and fighting out of em right away! And maybe after they’ve enjoyed a really great climax, they’ll all loose that willingness to disagree and for once, decide to work together instead! Remember how the saying goes… a satisfied customer, is a happy customer! So my little fantasy theory is Mr. Obama, everything will work in your favor due to the fact… that a satisfied representative, makes for a happy house!

The sex toys industry should definitely make all men around the world really, really happy, with all the fantastic stuff they have to offer today! And I’m not referring to all kinds of different sex toys either. No, I’m talking about all the amazing stuff they offer, which makes it possible for women to look the most sexually inviting to their lovers! And there’s plenty to pick and choose from too! Everything from wigs, body jewelry and body paints.. to role playing outfits, bikini coloring kits and now, this one called the “Intimate Shaving Template kit”!

Take some time out for your bikini area too!

You change hair styles off and on, don’t you… so why not change the shape of your pussy hair, once in a while too! And with this shaving template kit, you can do exactly that! It’s really easy to use and has a non-slipping grip which makes the different designs come out just perfectly! All you have to do, is place the template over the area and then trim to your favorite shape! I picked the heart shape, but there’s also a stripe, a triangle and an arrow shape too!

I decided to groom myself into the heart shape, for my boyfriends birthday last week. And you know what I did too… I used a biking coloring kit which a mentioned about earlier! So, not only did I have an heart shaped pussy, it was pink too… and boy, did that look totally freaken hot. Oh, and I also invested in a pink wig, to match with! It’s amazing what we women will do for our lovers, to look the most sexually inviting! But hey, I had the best time doing it and the results where well worth the effort… trust me!

My boyfriend absolutely loved it!!!

So last week, after we came home from a surprise birthday party his friends had thrown for him and it was time to hit the sack… I snack into the bathroom real fast! I undressed, put on my pink wig and struck a very seductive pose, (you know, one of those famous poses Betty Davis would strike, before walking into a room) and then I kicked the bathroom door open, with a loud bang. This was going to be the most delectable, most fuckable dessert he’s had in a long time! And trust me, it was! He couldn’t stop ravishing my body for hours that night, especially the lover part, if you get my drift!!!

I like to change my look a bit here and there! Especially when it comes to my hair color! But not anything drastic like going from platinum blond to jet black over night, like you can see Brittney Spears or Paris Hilton sometimes do! No, I just like to accent with different color strands, to my existing hair color! Like for example, this fall all the fashion experts are telling us that bright colors of ruby red, navy blue and striking yellow are really in!

So, I mix and match a bit with those colors and I’m usually very happy with the results I get! Well, I can’t say that my parents are, but it’s all in good fun I think! But all my friends are always totally amazed over the changes I make to my appearance… and that’s all that really counts to me anyway!

I can’t wait to show my best friend this color change!

One night when I couldn’t sleep, I was surfing the net just looking for new fun things to check out. And that’s when I found this absolutely, totally dank idea that’s straight up my alley. It’s called a color bikini kit and first I didn’t quite understand what it was. But after reading up on it, it became clear to me that it was a coloring kit for your pubic hair!

Wow, just imagine having your pussy hair, matching your head hair. Now that’s something I can get into for sure. It sounds really safe too, cause the dye is professionally formulated and specially developed for that sensitive, delicate bikini area! You can choose from different colors like amber flame, carmine pink, cool blond, hot chocolate brown, intense red, yet black and ruby red! Plus it said, the color lasts for a long time too.

I went with ruby red ofcourse!

And since I already have strands of ruby red in my hair, I ofcourse had to match my pussy hair with that one! It was really easy to apply (it didn’t itch or burn at all) and the finished result looked absolutely fantastic! I felt so freaken cool, I just couldn’t stop steering at myself in the mirror! This is a time I would have loved to be one of those exhibitionist, who loves to take their clothes off and run around in the nude… for all the world to see!

I actually have a girlfriend, that when she gets really, really drunk at a party… she always ends up dropping her bra and as a grand finally… her panties! Boy, I wish I had the nerve to that too, especially now, when looking this color coordinated! And if I would ever dare, I’m positive I would draw all the attention from her, with my matching head and pussy, rube red hair color! I’m not that desperate for attention yet though. So for now, I’ll only let my best girlfriend in on my new, little color change secret! And when I did, I’m happy to say she got insanely jealous and couldn’t wait to do the same!

I live at home with my proper mother and three younger sister and I’m sure you know what that means! Yes, you’re absolutely right… no privacy, what so ever!!! My mother always searches through my room, in hopes to find something she can yell at me over. And when it comes to my nosy sisters, my room has become their center of attention as well! I guess, I’m partly to blame though, cause I do have some stuff in my room which they all find very interesting. A few months ago, when I was looking for my favorite blouse in one of my little sisters room, I heard a slight noise from her bathroom, which sounded mighty familiar to me!

She’d discovered my Rabbit vibrator, at least so I thought!

I stood by my sisters bathroom door for a few seconds, listening to that familiar buzzing and then quickly realized to my horror, she’d found my Rabbit vibrator! MY God, first I didn’t even know what to do and I was dreading over the prospect of her telling my mother about her new, interesting find. One thing I knew though, that some rough scare tactics, was imminent!

So with a complete crazed look on my face, (I wanted to scare her straight right away), I opened the door and just stared at her! I totally scared the shit out of her, which was exactly what I wanted to happen and she instantly knew, this is when my… “Don’t ask, Don’t Tell rule” goes into full effect! I yelled at her, calling her a name I rather not say… and quickly grabbed the vibe, out of her hands!

To my astonishment… I realized it wasn’t mine at all!

Once back in my room, looking more carefully at it… to my astonishment, I realized that this rabbit vibe weren’t mine at all! So, who does it belong to… surely not my sister, they are all way to young! Now, if it isn’t mine or my sisters, I quickly came to the assessment… it had to belong to my proper, “I would never admit, I use a sex toy” mother! All of a sudden, things looked really great again! Actually, this little find of my sisters could not have been a more heaven sent, bargaining tool! And I certainly wasn’t about to tell her, my sister found it either… cause that would take away from my “check mate” momentum, I had going right now!!!!

Hey mom, look what I found!!!

I immediately sat down and wrote a whole list of demands, for my mother to follow from now on! “No more searching my room ever”… “no more borrowing my clothes and blaming it on my sisters”… no more forcing me to eat your stupid dinners”… no more telling me, how to wear my hair and do my make-up”… and on and on, it went! I mean, you totally have to seize an opportunity like this, cause I’m sure something like this will never, ever come my way again! I know my mother will make sure of that!

After finishing writing down all my demands, I went in to her bedroom and put the rabbit vibrator plus my note under her bed pillow! Then I waited in complete triumph, for her to arrive home from work! Actually, she didn’t find it until she went to bed that night. And how I knew that was due to a loud, short scream coming from her bedroom! Right at that moment I did feel slightly sad for her, because I knew the sheer  embarrassment together with the proper mother image, she had just lost… had to be totally devastating! But hey… you gotta do, what you gotta do, to get some privacy around here… right!

Every time I go to a spa, to enjoy some well deserved pampering, I always end up spending much more than I really wanted to! It’s expensive enough just to get a massage a facial, and a manicure as it is. But those spa employees are so damn great at selling you extra stuff like different kinds of massage oils, relaxing fragrant candles and what not… you look like a freaken fully loaded, over packed donkey, going out the door! And like I said, that stuff doesn’t come cheap either.

I’m sure they buy it for next to nothing and then add like 500%! No, to hell with getting ripped off anymore!!! Actually after I’m done with all the pampering, I only feel great for a couple of minutes, cause it’s always one of those selling machines blocking the door on the way out!

Now check out this fantastic deal!

Look what I came across in one of those sex toys shops on the adult internet last week! It just happened by accident, cause usually when I go to a sex toys shop, I check out all kinds of different sex gadgets… right! Well, I guess I was a bit irritated after my last massage and all the extras they talked me into, before leaving. So when I noticed a sex candles category, I couldn’t wait to see what they had to offer!

And boy, was I surprised to see how many candle pages they had… not to mention the low, low prices! Just check this out!!! Everything they have at the spa, they also had at this internet sex toys store! Everything from those relaxing, soothing candles in most every fragrance you can imagine.. to those really in pheromones candles, everyone is talking about!

The massage candles contain natural ingredients too!

And I was totally delighted to see that all the massage candles contain natural ingredients as well! You know… like jojoba oil, avocado oil, sesame oil, grape seed oil, almond oil, palm oil… the list, just goes on and on! And all those different scents… some which are aphrodisiac, some therapeutic, some extra soothing and relaxing and so on! And not only does the packaging look great, the prices are really low too! After browsing through pages of hot body wax candles and all kinds of different sex candles, I found this “Massage Candle Trio” one!

It has all natural ingredients like soy-oil which burns longer and cleaner they say… and with 8 different kinds of natural ingredients such as hemp seed, vitamin E, jojoba, avocado and apricot oils. And you don’t just get one massage candle, you get three of them in the scents and flavors of Dreamsicle, Polynesia and Skinny Dip! Well, I’m not quite certain of what those scents and flavors smell and taste like, so I was eager to find out! Plus they are all 100% vegan and non-toxic too! But best of all, the price was only $14.85! Now, beat that, all you over priced spa’s out there!

Now if I can only get my husband to give me a massage…!

After I got them and lit the one called the Dreamsicle… that one smelled and tasted like a yummy, multi flavored citrus which I found to be very tantalizing and refreshing! The one called the Polynesia, reminded me of soothing vanilla and the one named Skinny Dip, brought back memorizes of fresh smelling ocean breezes! I really liked them all! And after taking a long bath, it felt just wonderful to massage the oils on my skin which left me feeling rejuvenated, silky smooth and fresh!

“Now, if I can only get my husband to give me a long lasting, relaxing massage… I never have to go back to one of those overpriced spas, ever again!”

I’ve been watching my 23 year old daughter and her multitude of friends, running around dozens of stores that offers Halloween outfits, for easily over a week now… and every time they come home, they are all empty handed and totally sad faced! As an over baring mother, my daughter always tells me to say out of her cool aid! But there are times, when I just have to over ride her wishes and get involved! And I think this is the perfect time to do so, cause I know she’ll be very thankful in the end!

She probably doesn’t know but I do surf the adult internet!

First I was a bit decisive about offering my help in this Halloween costume matter, since I had to tell her that the sexiest outfits around, can be found on the adult internet… in one of those sex toys shops! But I quickly gathered my strength up and eagerly waited for my daughter to arrive home from work! I carefully inquired about her Halloween shopping and how it was working out! Once again that sad face came upon her and she quite irritably informed me… “it’s going absolutely no where, for none of us”!

She stared me in the eye for a moment and then asked… why I had that look of a cat, who just swallowed the canary! I could feel all my strength running out of me right then and there, but when she yelled at me … “well”… I took a deep breath and told her! You know, how you and all your girlfriends have been running around, from store to store to find that perfect Halloween costume! I know “The” place to find, exactly what you’re looking for you!!! Her face lit up like a candle… oh please mommy, tell me where… I’m desperate!

Thank God it totally slipped her mind to ask anything!

I took her over to the kitchen computer and typed in my favorite sex toys shop and then clicked on the “Sexy Role Play Outfits” category! And immediately, tons of images of all kinds of sexy outfits popped up like magic! I mean, pages and pages of them, of every sexy out fit you could possibly imagine! From Snow White, to Harem girl… to Beer Babe and Asian Persuasion plus everything in between! I was so damn happy, my daughter didn’t inquire any further about me knowing about this place! I think it totally slipped her mind, cause immediately she scooted my out of the way, plopped her lovely behind down… and started to text all of her girlfriends about the fact that she’s found the “mother lode” of tons of Halloween costumes!

Actually after two hours, she was still in front of the computer, chatting on the cell, checking out different sexy Halloween outfits! It was just music to my ears, seeing and hearing my little girl so overjoyed, but it was already late so I retired into to my bedroom! I thought I’ll ask her in the morning instead, how everything went down! Unfortunately, I didn’t catch her the next morning… but she had left me a note on the kitchen counter stating… “Really dank mom, I didn’t know you where hip enough to check out the adult internet”! Thanks, I owe you one!!!